


The Knights of Ren

by Ghelik



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Study, Fix-It of Sorts, Force Bond (Star Wars), Gen, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:00:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22229065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghelik/pseuds/Ghelik
Summary: When Ben Solo was very little he had a friend only he could see. Then that friend threw a wrench at his head and stopped talking to him.A journey through Ben Solo's life in his quest to find true Balance in the Force.
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Rey
Kudos: 15





	1. The Birth of a Brotherhood

**Author's Note:**

> So, I hated Episode 9: Rise of Skywalker, and decided to fix the issues it had in the writing.   
> Let's just say it went away from me.

The first time he saw her, she was sitting on his bed, with her tongue sticking out of her mouth and frowning in concentration. Ben couldn't really see what her hands were doing, even though he was standing right in front of her. Her hands where just unfocused.

At three years, Ben didn't care much for hands and was only curious about how she had entered the room without him noticing.

They became friends quickly, as children often do. Playing with his dolls or drawing with her crayons, running around the rooms, and talking for hours. She liked talking about battles. He loved making her laugh. They never questioned why nobody else could see her.

Dad called her an invisible friend. Mom just frowned and said everything was ok. Uncle Chewie brought him a second Resistance Fighter doll for his friend and messed his hair with one big paw. Ben hated it when he did it but didn’t complain. He gave her the doll next time they saw each other.

She changed one day. She cried more, would not talk as freely, and would sometimes go days ignoring him. There were bruises on her wrists and dark circles under her eyes. Ben tried asking what had happened, but she never told him.

She was angry all the time. Angry or crying. Sometimes both at the same time. She would throw things at him. Sometimes they were invisible, sometimes they were visible, but they passed through him. One time she threw a wrench at his head. It hit him at full force, breaking the skin and bleeding profusely. It hurt. It hurt a lot because he didn't understand what had happened, what he had done for her to shout at him like that.

Mom found him curled in a corner, the wrench in his hands, blood seeping from the wound. "She doesn't want to be my friend anymore," he whispered, staring intently at his knees, fighting the tears back.

Mom took the wrench from his hands. She left it on the desk and took him to the bathroom to tend to the cut on his forehead.

The day after that, Uncle Luke came.

Ben Solo had never been an extroverted kid. He was quiet and liked to keep to himself. He didn’t get lonely, for he knew he could always count on her to play or to talk or to help him with his homework. Dad had tried encouraging him to play with other _real_ children. Still, Ben was awkward around them. He felt their thoughts pressing down on him, judging him, tearing at him from the inside out until he wasn't sure where his thoughts ended, and those of the other children began. 

Ben liked her because she never felt like that with her.

Mom explained once it was the Force. Mom was a Force user. Uncle Luke was the last of the Jedi Order, and his grandad had been the most powerful man in the world, so he was more attuned to it.

Ben didn't care much about the force. It was fun playing with it, but other children never knew how to use it, and she wasn't here anymore to use it, too. Uncle Luke said there were others with the same abilities as him. He said he could teach him how to use it. How to be good.

Ben didn’t understand why he needed to learn how to be good. He was already good. Mom thought he should learn the Jedi way. Dad said it would be a great opportunity. Ten-year-old Ben nodded his head quietly and followed his uncle onto the spacecraft.

There are two sides of the Force: the good side and the dark side. They needed control to stay on the good side of the Force. On the dark side, there are only monsters, wicked, selfish creatures called the Sith. Ben didn’t want to become a Sith, so he sat with the other disciples and meditated and used the Force with his eyes closed and read the sacred text. He memorized the code:

_There is no Emotion – there is Peace_

_There is no Ignorance – there is Knowledge_

_There is no Passion – there is Serenity_

_There is no Chaos – there is Harmony_

_There is no Death – there is the Force._

Fen and Haran are the first friends he makes, but not the only ones. Fen likes heights. Haran loves setting things on fire. Mia writes about romance that makes the boys grimace, and about battles so bloody they make them all queasy. Gna fights, everyone, all the time. Ion is the youngest, and he loves.

From his friends, Ben is the strongest with the Force and the most impulsive, often tempting them to follow their basic impulses. It is fun to see Fen’s smile when they steal the glider. Satisfying to watch things burn and exhilarating picking fights and getting a bloody nose.

It always gets them in trouble. Trouble never manages to stop them from trying again.

The voice in his head starts to question, making his blood boil, asking him: why not? Why not sneak out and try to get into the pub downtown. Why not flirt with the cute girl? Why not cheat against Yun, who is stronger than him and always wins anyway. Why not get a second helping. Why not use the Force to get better grades.

The answer: it isn't right; feels insufficient.

“It isn’t the Jedi way,” he growls under his breath.

 _So what?,_ purrs the voice, and it's sweet and enticing, and why not stop resisting and just try it?

Ben tries it. Again, and again, falling for that "why not?", for the "what if?" Sometimes he gets caught, is faced with Uncle Luke's disappointed stare and his due punishment. Sometimes he isn't, and he gets ahead in his studies, learns new ways to master the Force his classmates aren't learning. The thrill is exhilarating, the power running up and down his veins feels like a drug. 

He starts teaching his friends, whispering the same questions he hears, tempting them with his smirk and a small taste of the freedom he feels.

Every transgression they get away with feels like a triumph. And every victory makes them drunk on freedom.

He sees her occasionally but never as clearly as when they were kids. She is a flicker at the edge of his consciousness, a fire, raging with anger and questions, and _come back_. Sometimes that call is so loud it keeps him awake at night.

He hasn't talked about her in years, but he tells Fen and Ion about her. Ion is a good listener. Fen would love her because she would know how to make his spacecraft fly quicker.

Fen frowns for a long time. “I wouldn’t tell Skywalker about her.”

Ion doesn’t understand, but Ben does.

They have become a brotherhood. Where one goes, all go. When one has a secret, all have it. Building mental contacts to share thoughts and ideas is a slow affair, but they revel in its secrecy. Their combined power allows them to surpass the other padawan. For a long time, none of them notice there are seven voices instead of six.

The glow of the lightsaber is green, casting his uncle’s face into weird shadows. His eyes are wide, his pupils are tiny pinpricks, his mouth twisted in a terrifying grimace. _He’s going to kill you._

The realization hits him like a punch to the gut, and before he knows what he's doing, he's unsheathed his own lightsaber.

 _HELP ME!_ , he screams in his mind, loud enough to wake his brothers. They don't question, they just lend him their strength. Ben closes his fist, and the whole wing crumbles under their combined power.

That night the Knights of Ren are born.


	2. Rise of the Knights of Ren

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and the Knights start their training under Snoke

Snoke trains them on the dark side of the Force, and, as long as they follow his orders, they are free to do whatever they like. At least at the beginning.

The Knights fight together, they learn, and their power grows much faster than it did under the Jedi Master. Without having to control their impulses and interests, they find new and creative ways of using the Force. Haran’s always surrounded by fire now. Nobody stops Fen from flying at dizzying speeds and wrecking more than one jet. Mia’s bed is never empty. Ben excels at fighting, which seems to make Snoke, who encourages the wrath coursing steadily through his veins, absurdly proud.

Freedom is intoxicating. Snoke doesn't ask them to do anything evil, and the Knights start questioning if what Skywalker told them about the dark side is correct.

There are no other Force-Sensitive people around, so swindling and mind-controlling the stormtroopers becomes a game. Everything seems like a game, and they have all the aces.

It doesn’t take the Knights long to discover that power over others breeds cruelty.

***

Ben can't sleep for a week after finding out Uncle Luke is still alive. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees him: a contorted face, eyes reflecting the green glow of his lightsaber. He can’t name the feeling, but it fuels him through his exercises, pushing him to be better, stronger, to be powerful enough to be free of the shadow looking at him with such contempt and disgust.

***

The escalation is progressive, like their rising through the military ranks. They don’t question it, at first. They are at war and war sometimes required extreme measures. Snoke drags them slowly towards their conquest, asks for small distasteful tests of loyalty: _Bring me this rebel._ _Torture that prisoner_.

He starts breaking their group into smaller, and smaller teams until most of their missions are commanding non-Force-sensitive troops.

“We are stronger together,” tries to argue Gna when their teacher decides to send her to the distant Kritam quadrant.

Snoke never raises his voice. He never stands from his throne. There is no need for that. The six Knights feel his fury rolling off him in waves, crashing against them. They are forced to kneel and watch as it twists Gna into terrible shapes, slicing through her mind until even the Knights Force-bond is left shaken and scarred.

With his soft, honeyed voice that used to feel so tempting and reassuring once upon a time, the Great Leader asks: “You dare challenge my authority?”

Crumpled on the floor, blood seeping out of her mouth and eyes, the Knight tries to right herself back onto her knees but can’t. One of her leathery wings flaps awkwardly at an unnatural angle. “No, master.”

“Good, no leave my sight.”

Snoke has her crawl out of the Throne Room on her own.

***

They find her, in her room, sprawled on her bed, a bot trying to mend her shredded wings. She doesn’t even raise her head when they enter. “How are you feeling?” asks Ion after a moment of uncomfortable silence, in which they are horribly aware that none of them has done anything to help her, to try to stop Snoke.

“Fine,” she rubs her beady eyes with the back of her hand. There’s blood drying on the side of her nose.

Haran takes a seat on the bed, hesitates, and puts his hand on the back of her head.

“You shouldn’t have defied the Supreme Leader,” grumbles Fen without any force.

“Aren’t pupils supposed to challenge their teachers?” Mia is shaking from head toe.

“Are we sure we haven’t exchanged a teacher for a Master?” whispers Haran, still running his finger soothingly through Gna’s matted hair.

“No. The Supreme Leader’s methods may be harsh and- unorthodox. But he saved us from Skywalker and gave us an opportunity.”

‘ _Cruel, Ion means cruel, but he’ll never say something unkind about someone else_ ,’ whispers a tiny voice in the back of Ben’s head. He sits on Gna’s messy desk. This feels wrong. 

He tests their mental bond. They all hiss in pain.

“Well,” Fen sighs “now we know. The Supreme Leader’s not to be crossed. As long as we don’t do it, nothing has to change.” He looks hopefully around the room. “Has it?”

They nod grimly. Ben knows it’s a lie.

***

Haran stands on one of the many observation decks on the Supremacy. The whole room is bathed in the warm light from a star that seems to hang right in front of the window. The giant ship is mining the radiation to use as fuel, but from here, the hundred engineers and technicians are invisible, it is only the deck and the star hanging in a black void. Ben finds it an incredibly lonely view, but he always hated solitude more than Haran.

The young man’s skin seems cast in gold, his dark hair falling neatly to his shoulders. Ben steps closer, but his friend doesn’t notice, his eyes are wide, watching the fiery tongues of the star dance on the surface.

“It’s dying.”

Ben doesn’t know how to answer.

“I am drowning.”

Ben swallows, still at a loss for words.

“For whatever it’s worth: It’s not your fault.”

He chuckles at that. “Skywalker never tried to kill you.” He tries their mental bond, but it’s still twisted and painful, so he lets it alone.

“He did the moment he turned against one of us.”

They lapse into silence. “We’ll get through this.”

Haran sighs.

“Fire. That’s real power. It’s been too long since I’ve set something on fire.”

“We can try sector 6G,” the rooms of the lower officials. It always puts a smile on Haran’s face to see lowly officials running around in a panic.

“That is mean.”

“So?”

“Where is the fun if there is no risk of getting caught?”

Ben rolls his tongue over his teeth. Part of the fun of going against Skywalker’s instructions was the possibility of getting caught; he won’t deny it. But-

Haran’s heavy hand on his shoulder shakes him out of his musings. “I love you, Ben Solo.”

He frowns at his friend. “I love you, too.”

Haran leaves without another word leaving Ben in the fire-bathed observation deck.

***

Gna is gone in the morning. Gone to her assignment to the Kritam quadrant and none of the Knights is there to bid her farewell. She knows this is the Supreme Leader’s punishment, so she squares her shoulders and ignores the pain, striding confidentially onto her new ship.

Their mental connection is still weak and unusable. So she sends a droid with a goodbye message, knowing it will probably never reach her friends.

***

Ion is the first of the Knights to start wearing a mask. It is a simple thing in shiny silver and black that covers his too-big eyes and unruly hair. He looks small and bony for the black robes, but with the mask, his attire almost fits.

When the other Knights question him about it, the filtered voice answers with conviction “Like Darth Vader.”

There is blood on his hands.

None of his brothers asks whose it is. They all feel the guilt twisting in his gut. Threatening to destroy him.

***

Kylo Ren becomes a legend and a war master. Kylo Ren is feared and respected both as a strategist and for his mastery of the Force. Kylo Ren wears a mas, too. The five Knights of Ren wear one. ~~To hide their fear and weakness.~~ To emulate the great Sith Lord Darth Vader.

***

Snoke introduces him to Hux after his success at the Battle of Stiren. Ben despises him instantly. It’s something about his mouth that sits wrong with him. Still, he bows in greeting and shakes his hand. He has a weak handshake. Ben hates that he is – objectively speaking – good at his job.

Together they get the assignment to hunt Luke Skywalker down.

Kylo Ren revels at the chance to be done with his uncle’s shadow once and for all. Ben curls up in his bed and tries to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and commenting


	3. The force awakens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The events of the Force Awakens as seen from Kylo Ren's perspective

Hux gets on his nerves, and Ben is irritable and in a bad mood most of the time since the assignment started. A failed interrogation, a dissident stormtrooper, and a rebel capture later, he's about ready to tear the whole planet to the ground. He does need the bloody droid; Ben reminds himself. Blowing Jakku up can wait until he retrieves it.

Something is nagging at the back of his mind, but he can't spare enough concentration to try to puzzle what it is.

***

The woman is oddly familiar, like an old book he has memorized and needs only to glimpse at the pages to remember exactly what they said. She's also absurdly easy to read. She has the map in her mind. So, he calls the attack off and takes her back to the ship.

In his arms, her weight and form are familiar, too. When he looks at her face, he knows he's seen her before.

***

The scavenger resists his snooping valiantly, pushing him around her mind like a ragdoll in an enraged ocean. In doing so, she keeps the map from him but allows him to see glimpses of her memory, feeding that annoying certainty that he _knows_ her.

Ben sees a spaceship leaving her behind. Hours upon hours of slaving in junkyards. Too little to eat. A small boy with unruly black hair drawing with crayons. An extremely familiar Rebel doll.

The realization is shocking enough to push him out of her mind. Ben feels stupid; he should have known it was her. He should have made the connection as soon as he heard her voice. After all, it's her _come back_ that has kept him awake so often over the years. 

She must be immensely Force-sensitive to communicate with him from Jakku of all places. With the proper training, she could become an exceptional Force-user. And, maybe, learn to block her mind more effectively – not keeping him awake every other night would be a sweet bonus. 

***

Her name is Rey. She is lonely and desperate, and Ben wants to tell her he sees her, wants to know if she remembers their friendship. Wants to ask why she pushed him away? What he did wrong?

Kylo knows better than to show such vulnerability.

Snoke has taught him well enough to know that weakness can be exploited and the last thing he needs is for her to know-

He pushes memories of games and secrets down, wraps hate and anger around himself, the desire to hurt her is strong enough to fuel him. He'll get the map, and kill Skywalker before the old Jedi can kill him. 

Kylo pushes forward, tearing through her until he finds his prize. His hands are already soaked in blood, and this will give him freedom.

_Peace is a lie, there is only Passion._

_Through Passion, I gain Strength_

_Through Strength, I gain Power_

_Through Power, I gain Victory_

_Through Victory, my chains are broken_

_The Force shall free me._

He will be free of Skywalker or die trying.

There it is, clear as day, reflected in her tear-filled eyes. He could leave now, jump on his TIE, and hunt the old bastard down. _Kill him in his sleep_.

The realization fills him with dread and fear; a fear Snoke will pick up immediately, because the Supreme Leader is so much more powerful than Ben will ever be.

***

Ben's unraveling.

Rey has escaped.

Snoke doesn't trust him anymore- knows Ben is hiding the map from him.

Hux sneers in contempt, and his brothers are too far away to contact discretely.

To make things worse, his dad is mixed in all of this – in possession of the droid and likely on his way to save Rey.

He needs a strategy. He needs a plan. He needs-

 _Even you, master of the Knights of Ren, have never faced such a test_.

Snoke's words chase around his brain like mad dogs. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees Ion, with his hands covered in blood.

Ben knows what this means. He knows how to get back into Snoke's good graces. He knows what he has been asked to do, how he must prove his loyalty. 

He barely manages to reach a restroom before being powerfully sick.

***

The first thing he notices is that his dad looks old. Older than he ever was: white hair and deep lines around his eyes.

Ben shakes. Kylo sneers.

He knows what he has to do. He made a pact with the Knights; he exchanged his loyalty to Snoke for a home after they fled the Jedi temple. He needs Snoke to teach him how to be powerful enough to defeat Skywalker once and for all. Han Solo says Snoke is only using him, but he is using Snoke, too. Isn't he?

"Come home."

Home. That word feels foreign. He remembers a time when it didn't. A house by the coast, a small bedroom bathed in golden sunlight, his mother's smile, and something sweet waiting in the pantry for him.

He wants to ask about mom.

"We miss you."

He misses them, too. Misses those simple times and the knowledge that he was safe, that he wasn't tethering on the edge of a precipice, haunted and cornered, and so alone.

Ben feels himself shaking from head to toe. He hadn't realized how much he missed his dad until now, talking to him, going on those boring fishing trips, and sitting on his knee on the pilot's seat of the Falcon, watching the dice clink and reflect the light; feeling the ship purring under his hands, and knowing there was no place safer in the Galaxy.

"I know what I have to do," he tells Han Solo because he could always tell him everything, and he would listen. "But I don't think I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?"

"Yes. Anything."

His dad's smile is the same. His old hand closes around the lightsaber. It's calloused and rough. The same hand that carried his bags to Luke Skywalker's ship. That helped him onto the seat and ruffled his hair before Skywalker took him off to the Jedi temple.

For a moment, he isn't sure if he has stabbed his dad or himself. He feels the burning of the laser go through his chest, feels his lungs fighting for air.

Han Solo's eyes give it away: shock and pain. Someone cries, "NO!" in the distance, the words out of his mouth are "Thank you."

His dad's eyebrows crumble. His hand is warm and rough against his cheek. The caress is full of love. That love is what hurts the most. It bites at his insides and pulls him apart. If it were hatred, it would have been easier.

Kylo Ren stares as the body crumbles gracelessly off the platform. Ben wants to be sick, to scream to take it back, to curl up and cry already.

He feels more than hears Chewie's roar and Rey's scream.

He looks down, expecting to see his hands covered in blood like Ion's were. There is no blood, still they look dirty.

Someone shoots him. Their aim is terrible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and commenting.   
> as always, this was undbeta'd


	4. The last Jedi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The events of the Last Jedi as seen through Ben's eyes

The pain of the injury is what keeps him on his feet. It isn't difficult to feel Rey with her grief, and her anger lashes out loudly around her. She isn't using the Force, mainly because she doesn't know how to. If she were, this forest would be aflame with her wrath.

Kylo soldiers through the agony in his side. Pain is good; it allows him to focus on other things that aren't the phantom feeling of his dad's hand on his cheek and the eyes full of love. 

He finds them: Rey and the traitor, and Kylo drapes hatred and anger around himself like a cloak. She screams. It is the same scream she used when she flung that wrench at his head. But this time, he knows how to defend himself. He sends her flying before she can attack him. The deserter runs to her side, worry evident in his voice and something else flickering off him.

Kylo roars. And then, to mock him, the traitor activates Luke Skywalker's lightsaber, it casts blue light on his dark skin.

The Force sings around them.

 _Jedi against Sith, as it ought to be_.

The thought is fleeting, and Kylo pays it no mind.

He will kill the traitor.

His friend is gone. Rey is a stranger wearing her face and the look of utter disgust in her eyes as she looms over him, ready to kill him, hammers that realization home. He crawls back, knowing he's not strong enough to stop her. He can feel her wrath and contempt tearing through the Force.

The world around them is crumbling, the whole planet destabilized.

 _Maybe if I die, I won't be afraid anymore_ , whispers a tiny voice in the back of his mind. He stares at Rey.

Chaos is a thing of beauty, it's a pity the Jedi never understood that. She embodies it like a queen.

The fact that it's Hux who saves his life will haunt him until the end of his life. Now he owes the smug asshole, and Ben would rather chew his hand off than owe Hux anything.

Snoke sneers, spitting his disappointment like a venomous snake. "You have too much of your father's heart," growls the Supreme Leader, towering over him. Everyone seems to tower over him lately. 

He wants to scream. His bloody heart, which wasn't pure enough for the Jedi and isn't hard enough for the Sith.

"I killed Han Solo."

The words taste like ash. Ben curls behind Kylo. He isn't wearing his mask, but that doesn't matter, because Kylo is stronger than Ben ever was. Kylo is the real mask: strong and powerful and worthy.

"Yes. And it has unmade you."

He made the sacrifice. He has done everything the Supreme Leader asked of him. And still, its Hux who gets praised and him belittled. Still, it's not enough.

 _You did lose to an untrained_ _Jedi_ , whispers the unhelpful voice in the back of his head. He stares down at his hands. The helmet, fashioned after Darth Vader's, stares back at him, the empty sockets reflect the scared eyes of Ben Solo.

Destroying it is not as satisfying as he hoped it would be. The shards of it bring clarity, though. _It must burn. It must be destroyed._

"Prepare my ship."

The rebels have a reduced fleet. They've lost most of the heavy hitters in their last assault, so they have to rely on their X-wins and assorted small crafts.

Kylo weaves through space, dodging lasers and shooting here and there as he speeds towards his target. He didn't become a War Lord just for his prowess in battle. He needs something to work, needs a victory.

He stares at the bright hangar. The shot is clear.

 _It's been too long since I set something on fire_ , whispers Haran's memory in the back of his mind.

The hangar lights up in a glorious blaze.

 _It must burn. It must be destroyed_ , repeats Ben like a mantra. _It must be destroyed._

He doesn't indulge in the beauty of fire, licking the side of the ship, returning to battle with a single-minded purpose. _Destroy it._

Without their fighters, they're pretty much defenseless-

_Hello, my son._

His mother's touch is warm and gentle. There is no animosity, just a deep, deep sadness.

 _Come home_.

His fingers are poised on the trigger. He is close enough that the hit would land. _It must burn. It must be destroyed; even_ though he isn't sure what _it_ is, he knows it's on that ship.

_Do what you must, my son._

He can't. He knows what he has to do, but he cannot press the trigger. He won't kill his mom.

The two TIE fighters appear out of nowhere. There is nothing Ben can do but watch as they fire the shot he was too cowardly – too sentimental – to take.

 _It's alright, Ben,_ whispers his mom. 

The laser seems to travel at half the speed, ambling towards the command center.

 _Please, please, please, please, please._

The shield doesn't resist the blast. His mom's Force presence vanishes.

Ben is numb. Numb as he returns to Snoke's ship. Numb as he steps off his TIE Silencer and rides the elevator to his chambers. Numb as he sits there, trying to understand, trying to come up with a plan, trying to think.

His mind is a void, darker than space, and he is floating in it. Unable to move, or speak, feeling the press of the darkness trying to devour him whole. Completely and utterly alone.

Han Solo is dead. His mom is gone. Snoke has scattered his friends around the Galaxy, leaving him stranded here.

For once, he isn't scared. He isn't angry, either. He is just numb.

Kylo doesn't notice the bots of the med bay knitting the wound on his face. He doesn't even feel the itch of the injury anymore.

Something in the corner of his eye shifts. He can hear the faint sound of the ocean breaking through the murky nothingness drowning him. When he turns his head, there she is.

Rey sits, clear as day, six feet away from him. For a split second, he has time to wonder how she managed to sneak aboard the Supreme Leader's ship.

Then she grabs her blaster and shoots him.

Kylo flinches with the noise and the certainty that he's going to die. But the pain never comes, and when he raises his head, she's gone. 

When Mia calls, he's pacing. It is an unseemly habit he has picked up recently. The Supreme Leader would not approve. The nothingness inside him has receded, leaving flesh exposed and vulnerable.

Mia has her feet on the console and is twirling a small ball between her long fingers. "What happened to you?" she motions to the newly acquired scar down his face.

"I lost a fight."

There is so much he wants to say but can't, not through open channels, and she is too far away to even feel her, much less communicate with her through the Force.

"With your shaver?"

"With a Jedi."

That sobers her up instantly, making her sit up– not enough for her to drop her feet off the table, though.

"Where did you get a Jedi?"

"It's a convoluted story."

Mia hums. "Well… It's not like you were much to look at before."

He throws her an unimpressed stare but feels a chuckle rising in the back of his throat. "When are you coming back?"

"I don't know. I feel like I have been sitting on this shitty Quadrant for half my life already." _Snoke doesn't want us together; she_ doesn't need to say, they know. "But, I am happy to obey the Supreme Leader."

"Long live his eminence."

Mia nods grimly. "Long live his eminence."

They talk about uncontroversial stuff for a few minutes. Nothing that could raise any suspicion if overheard, but it helps. It helps Ben focus and claws himself a little further out of the nothingness. She tells him about the harem she's slowly amassing, and he doesn't tell her about Han Solo, or Leia or Rey, and how their bond seems to have grown stronger in the past few weeks. 

He does complain about Hux. Vehemently.

_Do you think we've traded a teacher for a master?_ Haran asked once, before vanishing. Ben knows he made a mistake and dragged his friends down with him, but there is no escaping Snoke. 

He keeps remembering his dad at the most inconvenient of moments.

_Peace is a lie; there is only Passion_

_Through Passion, I gain Strength_

_Through Strength, I gain Power_

_Through Power, I gain Victory_

_Through Victory, my chains are broken_

_The Force shall set me free._

The words that once carried so much meaning now feel like iron bands around his wrists, pulling him to his knees with the knowledge he will never be powerful enough to beat the Supreme Leader.

Kylo steps into his room, toweling off sweat and throws his drenched shirt into the bin. He is in a good mood after a gratifying sparring session, his body tired, and riding high on endorphins from the exercise. He plans to spend the rest of the night on his comfortable bed reading Aitor Bergara's 'Raise and fall of the Yun-Kar Empire – A Socio-Economic Study.'

The Universe, it seems, has other plans.

"I'd rather not do this now."

He sighs, "Yeah, me too."

She's with her back to him, fists clenched at her sides. "Why did you hate your father?"

At least the way her voice hitches when he sees him is somewhat satisfying. Ben knows the rest of the conversation won't be.

She is crying, raging, her eyes full of horror, it's not hard to assume why. "Did he tell you what happened?"

She growls. "Yes." But there is a flicker of doubt. She is questioning Skywalker. In his experience, that is a dangerous thing to do, and she is without friends. What would happen if Skywalker decided she was too close to the Dark Side? Would he try to kill her, too? And where would she go if that happened? 

Rey wouldn't accept his help, and he won't offer. Her escaping Skywalker will only put her under Snoke's thumb as well.

_Sith. Jedi. Two ends of the same chain._

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to," that is the only advice Ben can think of. Maybe she'll believe him. She probably won't. One thing is true, though: his good mood has vanished, and he is back in the dark pit of nothingness.

The First Order has direct access to every book ever written in the galaxy. One would think they'd have at least half a dozen studies on Force Bonds and how they work. One would be wrong.

Kylo fights the urge to pull his hair out. He was never the most scholar-y inclined. Outside of a few particular fields, he didn't much enjoy doing research, which is probably why it has taken him this long to start looking into it. 

Most Force related books he can find are old Jedi texts. Vague and esoteric, cryptically written, and not well documented. Sith books are nowhere to be found.

The lack of results is frustrating.

"I should have felt trapped or frightened, but I didn't."

Rey sits across from him, her face illuminated by a flickering fire he can't see.

She's pulled a knitted blanket around her shoulders. It occurs to Ben, that, if he were to analyze the fibers and patterns of the quilt, he might get an approximate location. If he were to follow the map he saw in her mind-

But her story is more interesting, painting a clear picture of her family, of who her parents were. Ben hates them on principle for abandoning her an making her so desperate to find them.

Rey tells him of the vision in the Dark Waters, a mirror reflecting her. A mirror without answers. "I thought I'd find answers here. I was wrong."

Tears roll down her cheeks, and she isn't looking at him. Ben isn't even sure if she knows she's talking to him or if he's intruding. "I never felt so alone."

"You are not alone."

Her eyes find his face for the first time since she started talking. But, this time, they don't immediately fill with disgust. She stares at him for a long moment. "Neither are you." Ben wants to laugh but can't. He's completely frozen. "It isn't too late."

When she offers her hand, she is scared. She is scared that he will turn away, that he'll make some demand she can't accept. She is worried he'll reject her and leave her alone. But still, she takes the chance and offers her hand.

To take it isn't a decision. It is a fact that Ben will always take her hand.

Touching through a Force Bond is difficult and requires concentration and lowering mind barriers. If she were adequately trained, it would be a combined effort, but as it is, he has to be the one to surrender completely.

Ben feels more exposed than he has ever been. A jolt of electricity flies up to his arm as soon as the pads of his fingers touch hers. He has to fight the urge to flee, to break the contact and build up every mind barrier he has ever learned and never look her in the eye.

Rey isn't trained, she isn't refined in her shuffling through his memories, and it is nearly painful.

But, in turn, he can feel the knot in the back of her throat dissolving. He can feel her heartbeat settling and finding comfort in his presence. The Force around her sings and light and darkness dance around her, creating shapes and visions. Ben sees them standing side by side. Neither Sith nor Jedi. He sees them fighting back to back. He sees the chains binding them clattering to the ground—freedom, and balance at last.

STOP!

The command echoes through his concentration, pulling at his power, shoving him away. When he turns, there is Skywalker, looming over them as he did all those years ago.

Ben flees.

She is coming. Ben can sense it. Like an itch, like a thrill that makes everything else irrelevant.

Everything is coming to an end, and it will give him and the Knights of Ren their freedom at last. The how should matter more, but it doesn't. How he manages to get her on his side, how they destroy Snoke and the Sith and the Jedi and the Rebellion, and every last miserable part of the past that has been haunting them seems unimportant when the fact that they are about to fall is so evident.

Maybe he should have put a little more thought into it.

"You will not bow before Snoke. You'll turn. I'll help you." Rey stares up at him with hope and her valiant defense of Skywalker and the Light. She isn't there yet. She hasn't understood the path they have to follow to be truly free. So he uses the only thing he knows will push her a little out of the Puritanism of the Light and towards the more shadowy parts of passion. They need to be on even ground somehow, and they are running out of time.

Snoke greets them from his throne. Taunting Rey's resolve and her beliefs. He throws her good intentions in her face. "Young fool. It was I who bridged your minds."

Ben frowns, Kylo remains impassive.

The lie would be water-tight if Ben didn't have such a good memory. If he had forgotten the wrench and the girl and the hours of playing and joking. Rey doesn't remember, but he does.

Across the room, he feels Rey's convictions flicker.

"Give me everything," whispers Snoke, and Kylo shivers with the power behind that command.

Rey screams, and the sound tears through him like a laser blast.

He has to force himself to remain on his knees, the subservient acolyte. Listening to Rey's scream is as painful as it was when it was Gna being tortured. 

He isn't sure for how long the Supreme Leader has her hanging in the air while he rummages through her brain, but it is a relief to see her fall. To see the fire in her eyes.

She looks at him, then she stands defiantly and uses the Force.

As if her limited knowledge of how to wield it would be enough to defeat a master.

"You have the spirit of a true Jedi!"

Rey, with an emotional control that would make Kylo look like a sage, and the blind hope of a child launches herself at Snoke and-

"Because of that, you must die."

_Now._

This is the moment he saw on the vision. This is the moment he has been waiting for. Now he can tear the chains to shreds.

"Complete your training and fulfill your destiny."

Kylo is in absolute control now. The void has swallowed every doubt and question. He pictures what he has to do clearly in his mind. His heart doesn't beat with anticipation; his breath is deep and clear. He is one with his power.

Rey looks like a savage dog, confused and angry and pleading. A small part of him wants to reassure her, but the rest is calm, clear like it hasn't been in years. Maybe ever.

"I know what I have to do."

The Supreme Leader sneers and spits, his corrosive power, wrapped around his mind. "I cannot be betrayed. I cannot be beaten. I see his mind. I see his every intent."

And if those weren't the links of the chains around his wrists; of the leash pulling him further and further down a path, he doesn't want to tread.

"And now. He ignites it. And kills his true enemy."

_Shut up, bastard!_

Seven years. For seven years, he's been under Snoke's thumb.

As he stands in front of the withered corpse, he feels his power being truly his for the first time, and everything is so clear now. Balance cannot be achieved with one side of the Force battling the other. It must be obtained from within. Creating something new.

"It's time to let old things die."

Tear down the chains keeping them on their knees. Ben looks at Rey. Surely she understands. She must be desperate to stop waiting around for people that don't care about her to come back. 

"I want you to join me." 

Together they have achieved real balance. They can keep each other on the hair-thin line between the dark and the light. They can teach others. "Bring a new order to the galaxy."

One that is fair and right; that isn't built on the backs of people on their knees—an order built on balance.

"Don't do this, Ben. Don't go this way."

In this galaxy, in this order with these heroes and rebels and sides, she is nothing. Maybe a footnote at the bottom of a page about the mighty Jedi or the victims of the Jakku war. "You have no place in this story. You are nothing."

But they can make it so that she isn't. She doesn't need a name or to become some great Jedi. "But not to me." 

_Please_ , he thinks _, please come with me. Let us build something new together. Let us rise out of the ashes of an inherently wrong world._

"Join me. Please."

The first thing he sees when he wakes is Hux's pasty face. "What happened?"

Lying to Hux and his complete lack of Force-sensitivity is as easy as taking candy from a child. Blaming Rey for the Supreme Leader's death is the quickest way to get Hux to collaborate. Or it would be if Hux wasn't a bull-headed ox, whose only life joy seems to stand in his way.

Fortunately, people lacking Force-sensitivity and exuding hubris are easily swayed. He doesn't have time to make an argument. He doesn't need to. Hux may be the army's commander, but he was Snoke's apprentice. And now he will take on the mantle of Supreme Leader and bring balance to this galaxy, damn it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and commenting.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, this was unbeta'd.  
> Thank you so much for reading and commenting.


End file.
